FAITH

This last week was an interesting week. I received some amazing news while at the same time receiving some disappointing news.
The amazing news it that I was approved to use a building for FAME's summer camp program! Amazing!! I can start to see my dreams coming true. This will just be a trial run and I am praying it goes very well!
The news that was hard to swallow was when looking at our finances we are realizing that we are going to be on a very tight budget. The rate of taxes and escrow increases on the house we own in North Carolina. We really should sell it but right now was have tenants at the house and we are hoping they are willing to buy the house. We don't want to be upside down on the house but if they don't want to buy the house then we will need to let them finish their lease and then try to find a month to month tenant. We can't let the house sit empty but we can't be tied to a lease. Its a tricky spot and we are praying God opens a door for us.
I know other people have more difficult issues and this is nothing to be upset about but to us it is hard. We need to save for Kyles school and with just the one income its becoming difficult. We are so thankful we moved to oregon because the cost of living is so cheap that we still can put food on the table and have a roof over our heads. I don't think we could do this in California to tell you the truth.
This week I also received the news that my current job will be terminated at the end of June. I was hired on as a temporary contract. I knew this going in but its sad to hear that right now its all in the air. It was  nice to hear my principal tell me that I am doing a fantastic job and that if it was up to him he would hire me now. To hear him say that as soon as he knows something he will let me know and that the community is very impressed with the improvements to the classroom at my school. But the flip side is that worse case I don't come back to Beaverton School district next year, which means I must scramble for another job. I am sure I will be able to find another job but it is tiring.
Just in the week alone I was face with doubts and trying to figure out what to do. I was falling into a spiral of trying to keep in control while trying to desperately let go of control. And then we went to church and Pastor Chuck preached about Faith.
God was literally speaking directly to me. The pastor painted two different outlooks on life. Looking at life through doubts lens and looking at life though faiths lens. He talked about how it just the way of life to be doubtful. The problem is that as people we usually want God to give us promises, to dot every I and cross every T before stepping out in faith. But is that faith? I remember when we moved to Oregon and took the leap of faith. We moved in faith and it wasn't until we took a few steps that God gave us the confirmation of what we were doing. He talked about faith isn't waiting for God to set something up, but it is us taking a step in Faith and then having God affirm our actions. He explained that when God doesn't meet us in Faith then its ok because you didn't base the decision on that its faith. Faith doesn't mean everything is figured out, we can't wrap our minds around it.
When I think about faith I think about the kind of teacher I am. Many times teachers will plan things to the T and will expect things to go a certain way. The problem with that is teaching children is very unexpected. And the way I teach is actually very relaxed, I often times act in faith. I do plan in a sense what I want to do but I take steps in faith because I honestly don't know if changing a routine will actually be helping my kids or making things worse for my staff. I started a new job this year in a classroom where 3 of the 4 teachers did not want to be there. Some of these kids had 2 teachers in one year. They were ridge and very inflexible. I went in and changed everything. Some people may have just continue with what was happening because honestly sometimes that just makes more sense. I didn't, I took a leap of faith, I asked my staff to trust me (have them put faith in me) and I changed everything. And it was easy to see if something was right or not because it was either successful and affirmed or it wasn't. And the times it wasn't, that wasn't a big deal. I didn't build my whole classroom on hoping one things works, it was just stepping out in faith.
I feel like the technology day we live in almost makes it harder for us to walk in faith, because everything we need to know is at our finger tips. Everything we need to plan is at our finger tips. I believe our parents grew up having a lot of faith. My dad used to plan family vacations and all he had was a road map. He put faith in the map (getting us to our destination) and we put our faith in our dad.
When I watch the show "friends" I am reminded by just how far we have come in the world. Its wierd to watch a show were people don't "google" the answer for something, they just have to know it. There is an episode where Phoebe cuts Monica's hair and she gets the name of the actress wrong and ends up cutting the hair wrong. No one thought to check it on a phone, or computer. Phoebe just knew what she was doing, and Monica put her faith in her. It was wrong but she still tried it. And later in the episode Phoebe asks Rachel about a specific actress and Rachel ends up giving her wrong information, but Phoebe takes in faith. I mean in that one episode look at all the faith. Its probably not a very good example but in my world with out technology people acted in faith a lot more then the way they do now. Everything is within our reach, we don't just take people's words for it. People don't even get lost anymore. Everything is dotted and cross before even taking a step. And I know this is why its so difficult for me to remember what faith is. And I thank the Lord that he loves me so much to remind me so gently to have faith. I think I could drive my self crazy worrying about things, but I don't as much because I have faith that the direction Kyle and I are going will either be affirmed or not. And it won't matter either way because we are acting on faith anyway.

While we live in our instant noodle world, I think its time to take a step toward making risotto. It may take longer and take lots of patience but it taste so much better.
Slow down and live in faith.