This past week I've been blessed in so many ways. My last blog was about stepping out in faith. And letting God meet you in that faith. I will say that he did, he did in every way. Ways I didn't think were possible.
This past week was spring break and I definitely needed a break. I work hard at my job and even though my job prospects are in the air right now I was given some great news and words of comfort. I was praised for being an amazing teacher who will have a 99% chance of getting a job next year but because I don't believe in being prideful and foolish I applied to other school district for the next coming school year. I was blessed last year to step into my dream job and I know God will bless me again. The question reminds where he will need me to serve. I am continually praying that he lay down my job path and I hope you all will pray with me.
My mom also came to visit last week and I am so grateful to have a job that allows me to take some time off to spend it with her. I don't get to talk to my parents very much and I miss them everyday. She was able to spend the week at our house and cook us dinner and talk with us. We took her shopping and Kyle finished up school so spent an entire day with her. It wonderful to see my mom and be with her. She made me her dumplings and they were so good. She also floated the idea of us getting a 2 bedroom so that when they come to visit they can stay with us. Kyle and I are so excited about this idea. We enjoy having my parents stay with us and I know this will also be good for Kyle's parents whom we also really enjoy! I know some people may not understand but Kyle and I love hanging with our parents and I think its because we have such short amounts of time with them we cherish the time we do have.
Then for spring break I decided to help my sister and her good friend out by watching their kids. Kyle and I took care of 2 eight month olds and a 3 year old and 4 year old. I praise the Lord for Kyle because I think by the end of the week I would've lost my mind. The kids were good but getting the babies to sleep was another story. It worked out very nicely though and we got some extra money that we desperately needed for new brakes on the Honda. I know that I need a break but I am blessed that I even get the option of a break. I know that most other people do not get a break for spring or a break for summer and my sister is one of them. I can't imagine what other families do when school break for spring. It would be nice to go on vacation but sometimes it just doesn't work out and I know from others that finding care for a week is a difficult task. Kyle and I are great when it comes to serving. We know we are called to serve and so we serve. The problem comes though when its time to accept help. I think as Christians when you've been walking with Christ long enough it is much easier to serve than ask for or accept help. Its always been easy for me to give to my friends, to help out here and there with my family but when its time for us to ask for help God has always stepped in for me. I think its because he knows I won't ever ask. Its not even out of pride its just mainly out of just not wanting to ask. I hate inconveniencing people and others especially my parents and family. My parents raised me with a strong sense of responsibility. My dad taught me so much about how to save and budget so much that I struggle with being too controlling when it comes to money. God always has to wrench that control away from me by humbling me. My dad worked so hard when I was growing up and he still works so hard. I hate seeing him work so hard, so I've always worked hard so that he wouldn't have to worry about me. That may be pride. Prideful that I don't need anyone's help. But I've come to realize there is a difference in asking for help when unexpected things happen. When Kyles Uncle died God stepped in with friends offering to share miles with us. We never would've ask on our own but he knew that we needed help because it happened unexpectedly. And than this last week my dad sent me a check just because he felt led to and I couldn't be more appreciative or in awe of how God stepped in with this money. My dad has always told me he would be there for me and I know he will but I know he knows that I will never ask him for anything. So he took it upon himself and gifted me with what Kyle and I needed. I've been trying to find the resources to push FAME forward and out of the blue my dad sends a check to me. Its so surreal that I still lie awake at night just praising God. It solidifies his plans for FAME and solidifies him meeting me in faith. Kyle and I pushed forward with helping others, not worrying about cost of things and put our faith in Christ knowing he will give us what we need. I praise God for my Dads faith and his walk with Christ.
I praise God for the time I get to spend with family and friends.
I praise God for my job and his plans for next year.
I praise God for pushing Kyle into school.
I praise God.
I praise God.
As CS lewis once wrote as a Christian I can never be humble I can only be humbled.
I praise God for always humbling me.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
FAITH
This last week was an interesting week. I received some amazing news while at the same time receiving some disappointing news.
The amazing news it that I was approved to use a building for FAME's summer camp program! Amazing!! I can start to see my dreams coming true. This will just be a trial run and I am praying it goes very well!
The news that was hard to swallow was when looking at our finances we are realizing that we are going to be on a very tight budget. The rate of taxes and escrow increases on the house we own in North Carolina. We really should sell it but right now was have tenants at the house and we are hoping they are willing to buy the house. We don't want to be upside down on the house but if they don't want to buy the house then we will need to let them finish their lease and then try to find a month to month tenant. We can't let the house sit empty but we can't be tied to a lease. Its a tricky spot and we are praying God opens a door for us.
I know other people have more difficult issues and this is nothing to be upset about but to us it is hard. We need to save for Kyles school and with just the one income its becoming difficult. We are so thankful we moved to oregon because the cost of living is so cheap that we still can put food on the table and have a roof over our heads. I don't think we could do this in California to tell you the truth.
This week I also received the news that my current job will be terminated at the end of June. I was hired on as a temporary contract. I knew this going in but its sad to hear that right now its all in the air. It was nice to hear my principal tell me that I am doing a fantastic job and that if it was up to him he would hire me now. To hear him say that as soon as he knows something he will let me know and that the community is very impressed with the improvements to the classroom at my school. But the flip side is that worse case I don't come back to Beaverton School district next year, which means I must scramble for another job. I am sure I will be able to find another job but it is tiring.
Just in the week alone I was face with doubts and trying to figure out what to do. I was falling into a spiral of trying to keep in control while trying to desperately let go of control. And then we went to church and Pastor Chuck preached about Faith.
God was literally speaking directly to me. The pastor painted two different outlooks on life. Looking at life through doubts lens and looking at life though faiths lens. He talked about how it just the way of life to be doubtful. The problem is that as people we usually want God to give us promises, to dot every I and cross every T before stepping out in faith. But is that faith? I remember when we moved to Oregon and took the leap of faith. We moved in faith and it wasn't until we took a few steps that God gave us the confirmation of what we were doing. He talked about faith isn't waiting for God to set something up, but it is us taking a step in Faith and then having God affirm our actions. He explained that when God doesn't meet us in Faith then its ok because you didn't base the decision on that its faith. Faith doesn't mean everything is figured out, we can't wrap our minds around it.
When I think about faith I think about the kind of teacher I am. Many times teachers will plan things to the T and will expect things to go a certain way. The problem with that is teaching children is very unexpected. And the way I teach is actually very relaxed, I often times act in faith. I do plan in a sense what I want to do but I take steps in faith because I honestly don't know if changing a routine will actually be helping my kids or making things worse for my staff. I started a new job this year in a classroom where 3 of the 4 teachers did not want to be there. Some of these kids had 2 teachers in one year. They were ridge and very inflexible. I went in and changed everything. Some people may have just continue with what was happening because honestly sometimes that just makes more sense. I didn't, I took a leap of faith, I asked my staff to trust me (have them put faith in me) and I changed everything. And it was easy to see if something was right or not because it was either successful and affirmed or it wasn't. And the times it wasn't, that wasn't a big deal. I didn't build my whole classroom on hoping one things works, it was just stepping out in faith.
I feel like the technology day we live in almost makes it harder for us to walk in faith, because everything we need to know is at our finger tips. Everything we need to plan is at our finger tips. I believe our parents grew up having a lot of faith. My dad used to plan family vacations and all he had was a road map. He put faith in the map (getting us to our destination) and we put our faith in our dad.
When I watch the show "friends" I am reminded by just how far we have come in the world. Its wierd to watch a show were people don't "google" the answer for something, they just have to know it. There is an episode where Phoebe cuts Monica's hair and she gets the name of the actress wrong and ends up cutting the hair wrong. No one thought to check it on a phone, or computer. Phoebe just knew what she was doing, and Monica put her faith in her. It was wrong but she still tried it. And later in the episode Phoebe asks Rachel about a specific actress and Rachel ends up giving her wrong information, but Phoebe takes in faith. I mean in that one episode look at all the faith. Its probably not a very good example but in my world with out technology people acted in faith a lot more then the way they do now. Everything is within our reach, we don't just take people's words for it. People don't even get lost anymore. Everything is dotted and cross before even taking a step. And I know this is why its so difficult for me to remember what faith is. And I thank the Lord that he loves me so much to remind me so gently to have faith. I think I could drive my self crazy worrying about things, but I don't as much because I have faith that the direction Kyle and I are going will either be affirmed or not. And it won't matter either way because we are acting on faith anyway.
While we live in our instant noodle world, I think its time to take a step toward making risotto. It may take longer and take lots of patience but it taste so much better.
Slow down and live in faith.
The amazing news it that I was approved to use a building for FAME's summer camp program! Amazing!! I can start to see my dreams coming true. This will just be a trial run and I am praying it goes very well!
The news that was hard to swallow was when looking at our finances we are realizing that we are going to be on a very tight budget. The rate of taxes and escrow increases on the house we own in North Carolina. We really should sell it but right now was have tenants at the house and we are hoping they are willing to buy the house. We don't want to be upside down on the house but if they don't want to buy the house then we will need to let them finish their lease and then try to find a month to month tenant. We can't let the house sit empty but we can't be tied to a lease. Its a tricky spot and we are praying God opens a door for us.
I know other people have more difficult issues and this is nothing to be upset about but to us it is hard. We need to save for Kyles school and with just the one income its becoming difficult. We are so thankful we moved to oregon because the cost of living is so cheap that we still can put food on the table and have a roof over our heads. I don't think we could do this in California to tell you the truth.
This week I also received the news that my current job will be terminated at the end of June. I was hired on as a temporary contract. I knew this going in but its sad to hear that right now its all in the air. It was nice to hear my principal tell me that I am doing a fantastic job and that if it was up to him he would hire me now. To hear him say that as soon as he knows something he will let me know and that the community is very impressed with the improvements to the classroom at my school. But the flip side is that worse case I don't come back to Beaverton School district next year, which means I must scramble for another job. I am sure I will be able to find another job but it is tiring.
Just in the week alone I was face with doubts and trying to figure out what to do. I was falling into a spiral of trying to keep in control while trying to desperately let go of control. And then we went to church and Pastor Chuck preached about Faith.
God was literally speaking directly to me. The pastor painted two different outlooks on life. Looking at life through doubts lens and looking at life though faiths lens. He talked about how it just the way of life to be doubtful. The problem is that as people we usually want God to give us promises, to dot every I and cross every T before stepping out in faith. But is that faith? I remember when we moved to Oregon and took the leap of faith. We moved in faith and it wasn't until we took a few steps that God gave us the confirmation of what we were doing. He talked about faith isn't waiting for God to set something up, but it is us taking a step in Faith and then having God affirm our actions. He explained that when God doesn't meet us in Faith then its ok because you didn't base the decision on that its faith. Faith doesn't mean everything is figured out, we can't wrap our minds around it.
When I think about faith I think about the kind of teacher I am. Many times teachers will plan things to the T and will expect things to go a certain way. The problem with that is teaching children is very unexpected. And the way I teach is actually very relaxed, I often times act in faith. I do plan in a sense what I want to do but I take steps in faith because I honestly don't know if changing a routine will actually be helping my kids or making things worse for my staff. I started a new job this year in a classroom where 3 of the 4 teachers did not want to be there. Some of these kids had 2 teachers in one year. They were ridge and very inflexible. I went in and changed everything. Some people may have just continue with what was happening because honestly sometimes that just makes more sense. I didn't, I took a leap of faith, I asked my staff to trust me (have them put faith in me) and I changed everything. And it was easy to see if something was right or not because it was either successful and affirmed or it wasn't. And the times it wasn't, that wasn't a big deal. I didn't build my whole classroom on hoping one things works, it was just stepping out in faith.
I feel like the technology day we live in almost makes it harder for us to walk in faith, because everything we need to know is at our finger tips. Everything we need to plan is at our finger tips. I believe our parents grew up having a lot of faith. My dad used to plan family vacations and all he had was a road map. He put faith in the map (getting us to our destination) and we put our faith in our dad.
When I watch the show "friends" I am reminded by just how far we have come in the world. Its wierd to watch a show were people don't "google" the answer for something, they just have to know it. There is an episode where Phoebe cuts Monica's hair and she gets the name of the actress wrong and ends up cutting the hair wrong. No one thought to check it on a phone, or computer. Phoebe just knew what she was doing, and Monica put her faith in her. It was wrong but she still tried it. And later in the episode Phoebe asks Rachel about a specific actress and Rachel ends up giving her wrong information, but Phoebe takes in faith. I mean in that one episode look at all the faith. Its probably not a very good example but in my world with out technology people acted in faith a lot more then the way they do now. Everything is within our reach, we don't just take people's words for it. People don't even get lost anymore. Everything is dotted and cross before even taking a step. And I know this is why its so difficult for me to remember what faith is. And I thank the Lord that he loves me so much to remind me so gently to have faith. I think I could drive my self crazy worrying about things, but I don't as much because I have faith that the direction Kyle and I are going will either be affirmed or not. And it won't matter either way because we are acting on faith anyway.
While we live in our instant noodle world, I think its time to take a step toward making risotto. It may take longer and take lots of patience but it taste so much better.
Slow down and live in faith.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Dream, Mission, Duty, Legacy....
So those who know me, know about FAME. Let me rephrase that. Those who are in my inner circle or are living in California know about FAME. I'm not saying that those who are around me now aren't in my inner circle but since moving here I haven't talked about FAME. FAME is short for focus on art and music education. It is a dream of mine. I've had this dream since 19. I dream of a school that will focus on the creative arts. A school were kids with different needs can come and express themselves. A school were kids can come and inspire others. But this dream is so beyond what I can accomplish. This is how I feel. How can I make this dream come true? I am only one person. I can feel Christ pushing me and constantly giving me ideas and inspiration to make it happen. I know this is his mission for me. This is what he expected me to fulfill. This dream. I don't believe I am on a mission to save the world. I don't believe I am on a mission to cure the children, but I do believe that we all have gifts and talents. And that for me my gifts and talents are to be used an a specific way. I don't believe everyone needs to start a company, I believe we each have different missions from God to be the best. If you have gifts and talents in the area of motherhood, be the best darn mother you can be. Gifts and talents to build houses, build them. I believe there is something that we each have that nags at us, that we can never let go until we are in it.
Everyone's dream can be big and daunting, but to me FAME is very big and daunting. Pouring over business books and looking at cost, space, employees, fundraising, and putting together a board of directors.. the list continues. I wish this were easier. I wish I could just shout out loud about the company and that we could fundraiser and people would donate. But I know even planning a fundraiser is hard work and not guaranteed to work. Plus I have never been good at accepting money even if it is for a cause. Its weird to me. What if they don't like where I use the money? What if I don't use it in the correct amount of time. So many opportunities to fail. So many opportunities to let people down. So many opportunities.
And yet I hear God saying, so many opportunities for my children. I hear him tell me not to fear. I hear him tell me to trust in him. I hear God telling me to walk the path he has laid with me. But isn't this the hardest thing to do as a Christian. To not only serve Christ but to follow his plans. I ask you all to pray for me as I believe its time to start it up for real. I've tested the waters in California, and right now its sounds like Oregon would really love something like this for kids.
Pray for God to open doors. For a space for the summer. For success. For fundraising.
As I obey his commands I know I can't do it alone.
This is for his kingdom.
This is for the Lord
Legacy
Everyone's dream can be big and daunting, but to me FAME is very big and daunting. Pouring over business books and looking at cost, space, employees, fundraising, and putting together a board of directors.. the list continues. I wish this were easier. I wish I could just shout out loud about the company and that we could fundraiser and people would donate. But I know even planning a fundraiser is hard work and not guaranteed to work. Plus I have never been good at accepting money even if it is for a cause. Its weird to me. What if they don't like where I use the money? What if I don't use it in the correct amount of time. So many opportunities to fail. So many opportunities to let people down. So many opportunities.
And yet I hear God saying, so many opportunities for my children. I hear him tell me not to fear. I hear him tell me to trust in him. I hear God telling me to walk the path he has laid with me. But isn't this the hardest thing to do as a Christian. To not only serve Christ but to follow his plans. I ask you all to pray for me as I believe its time to start it up for real. I've tested the waters in California, and right now its sounds like Oregon would really love something like this for kids.
Pray for God to open doors. For a space for the summer. For success. For fundraising.
As I obey his commands I know I can't do it alone.
This is for his kingdom.
This is for the Lord
Legacy
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