Rise up and love... love deeply and unwaveringly...

This past week has been filled with emotions that have been vast in their range. I didn't think one week could produce this much fear, sadness, anxiety, love, happiness, disappointment and hope. Its been place on my heart for awhile to write this blog. It has been a long time since the Lord has compelled me to write. I'm not the best writer and I'm sure my grammar and prose drives some of my friends and family crazy but regardless I am led to write this.

This week I experienced a co-worker and good friend lose her 23 year old son. Let me stop right there... 23 years old...passed away in his sleep... The grief and pain that I feel for her is so difficult. I felt a sadness that is indescribable and while tears ran down my face during the memorial I watched and listened this family raise up their son with amazing memories of with a son filled with kindness, love, and  intelligence.

I experience two birthdays. One of my big sister. The sister that I so wish I could be and wish nothing but good things for. I got to take her out to lunch and treat her to a delicious meal. I celebrated with with brother in law and one of my favorite nephews.
Another of a new good friend to which I baked and frosted a chocolate cake to help her celebrate. With a handful of good friends, we laughed and made jokes.

I expressed gratitude to my husband and our armed services for their service in protecting this
country. "This is the good holiday" my husband said to me. Yes, this is the good one. This one thanks all our veterans for their service... My husband struggles with memorial day. Having lost friends in the service.

I witnessed a country divided and watched an election that took a turn that no one could have predicted. I watched my friends and co-workers cry and I was filled with sadness and fear for me and others. I talked with a friend and though we had a difference of opinion we still expressed our love for one another, which made my heart flow with love.

I witnessed a city that I have come to love respond with a peaceful protest and lost their voice due to other people who are intent on driving the wedge even deeper. I was disappointed to learn of the destruction of our city and the lives that were injured.

I learned that I got an A+ on my second paper for my masters program and I am glowing with pride and accomplishment from the professors specifically telling me that I have a good grasp of what we are suppose to be learning and have applied it in ways that many of her doctrine students have not yet done.

And in all of this I look to Christ and am reminded that in all of these scenarios he is at the center of it all. That none of this happens by chance. Through all of these I am reminded by him to respond in love. And not just simple love that is often use to explain how we feel about a good dinner, but a deep and unwaveringly love. The love that Christ commands us to have daily. An unwavering love that has no expectations ,but is freely given. I am reminded that regardless of what is happening at the country level we still have neighbors and friends and family that we can love, and serve. Doing good to silence evil, loving the brotherhood and other believers regardless of who is in office. I am directed to 1 timothy 2:1-5, which urges us to to have prayers and gives thanks to be made for all people and even those who are in a high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life. In all that has happened this week I have to respond in prayer and love. I have to, because I have to have hope that God is in control. That the loving God  in his sovereignty is not frantically pacing up in heaven, Because he really does have our best interest in mind. And in my fear and anxiety I find rest in that.

All people are created in the image of God and deserves to be respected, because when someone feels marginalized fear and anxiety are real! I can't not pretend to know how my friends or family feel because I am not them but I can say that when someone feels marginalized their emotions are real! I can't stress that enough. We live in a country with such differences that it would be disgraceful to not validate how someone else feels when we have NO IDEA what it is like to be them. Just like some of my friends have no idea what its like to be a Taiwanese-American or what it really means to walk with Christ or what that looks like.  Now I do not respond in anger when I have a friend say he disagrees with everything I say about Christ and love. Why should I respond in anger? They have no idea what that means because they are not me and they don't know what the life is like. I pray that we remember to respond in love and patiences with others because no one has the right to minimize how someone else feels. We all deserve to be respected and as a follower of Jesus I must posture myself as a servant and in love towards those that are marginalized in our society and I will pray for them while serving them in what capacity I can.

As a follower of Jesus, politics  does not excuse me from following the ways of Jesus. And those ways are in fact loving. First to love one another and that is my identify to the world, and love each other. Daily I will be trying to express what I know Jesus would produce in me and that is Love, Peace, Patience, Gentleness, Joy, Kindness and Self-control. And I would pray that we all do the same to one another. Because Jesus loved me so much that he died for me, not because he agreed with me but selflessly gave himself to me because he disagreed! And I am praying that I can follow in his ways daily.

I pray that we would love rise up and love one another. Not "defriending" those that have walked beside us for years, or fight and argue with co-workers but to rise up and show love. Emotions are running high and I can see the divide happening. I, for one, refused to let this divide happen in my life. My friends have not changed, I just get to see another side of them. Another side that requires me to love them regardless of how they feel, or say or do, because Jesus loves me unwaveringly. And isn't that the biggest hurdle, to love one another. Lets conquer that hurdle together...

Memorial Day

My process for writing a blog usually comes from above. I can feel the Lord placing his heart into my mine about specific topics. I don't know why some topics he wants to use me to voice thought, but I just know that when a topic won't go away and continues to build, its the Lord urging me to speak. This time it was about Memorial Day. For most they think about the veterans that lost their lives and continue about their day with cook outs or time with friends and family. Which is perfectly fine but for people like my husband Kyle, its a hard day to get through. We don't do much this day. I know for Kyle he is forced to remember the lives lost during his time serving. But he doesn't need a day to remember. He remembers everyday. This is his reality. Those people never seem to leave his mind, how could they. They were his friends, his brothers, his family for 5 years. They were young like him, had dreams like him, talked of plans after service. This isn't an easy blog for me to write because as I write it I can feel the pain that my husband feels on this day. I pray that he doesn't shut down like he usually does every year. I pray that he talks to me about how he is feeling and we can remember his friends in a positive way, bring back the good memories of his friends. I know for a particular friend Kyle remembers how he looked in the hospital. He spoke about this only once and I could see the pain and darkness in his eyes. I thank the Lord that Kyle has Him to lean on because I know that Kyle prays about his friends daily. I think without it he would be lost, stuck in a dark place where many can find themselves. For the veterans who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country the pain never leaves their loved ones. I don't believe its enough to just have a day for these families. I don't believe its enough for those who gave their lives that people post a blurb about it on facebook or twitter or Instagram. Because the same time next year it will all be the same. Today Kyle and I will be visiting the Veterans Memorial here in Portland. Its a beautiful place, quite and serene. Its not enough but I want those families to know that we have not forgotten. I pray for Kyles friend and their families. I pray for those who are still over seas. I pray for those who may have recently lost someone over seas, because it never ends. We live in a world of instant and in an instant lives will be lost but that doesn't mean we should treat this day just as an instant. Slow down, reflect, and remember.

Forever Lucky!

Today is another grading day. Some days I love grading days. Its a much needed time to catch up on the mounds of paper work on my desk. Some days I miss my kids. To get on to the grade book I need to log into my attendance platform and when I get there, I see pictures of my students. Today I just took a second and stared at them. Looking at each of them and how far they have all come. Their quirks and unique personalities come forward and their progress and the mountains they have overcome. I can't help but smile and miss them. I love these kids. They are everything to me and I so desperately just want them to do well in the 3 years I have them. While doing some of my grades I have pandora playing in the back ground and the song "forever" comes on and I can't help but feel my heart sore.
"Forever, He is glorified
 Forever, He is lifted high
 Forever, He is risen
 He is alive
 He is alive!"
I am so blessed to be doing something I love everyday and I can't help but praise God everyday. In all my crazy work days I tend to forget just how lucky I am. I tend to forget to pray. I tend to forget to read my bible. I tend to forget that I am not where I am by chance. I am lucky. Everything that has been place before me is from the Father. I know that every where I go God places me where I am needed and he has never steered me wrong. It is such a joy and relief to me that when things get hard I can look back and see all His goodness. Its such a joy and relief to know that even when things are good that I can still praise him. That the praise should be never ending. We are lucky to have his salvation. We are lucky to just be in his presence. These days when I don't have my students with me I can't help but just feel so lucky. But it isn't luck is it. That is the mind blowing thing! I didn't get lucky and God just choose me. He chooses every one of us and invites us into his family, into his majesty, into his kingdom. Chases after every one of us to be part of his kingdom because he WANTS to bless us, guide us, sit with us, cry with us, laugh with us, love with us and its amazing. As I write this the sun is coming out from the gray skies and rain. And I am swelling with joy and love. I get to live in a beautiful place where I get to teach some wonderful kids, I get to work with some amazing staff, and I have everything I need and want. It just hit me that I am turning 30 this year. I've been living for 30 years, my twin has been living on this planet for 30 years plus 1 extra minute. My twin. I'm lucky that God blessed me with a life long best friend who just gets me... I mean she better... its things like that where I can't help but wonder at the awe of our Lord and Savior. I'm not the warmest of people (some of my closest friends can attest to that) but that doesn't mean I don't know how lucky I am. We are all lucky, we are all saved and that is being forever lucky.