How do we move on from this...

This year has been a tough one. I have felt moved to write multiple times. I don't know why I feel the need to write my thoughts out but I do know that I only write when I feel the Lord compelling my heart to share with the world what I am currently processing. I don't think people care to know what I think but all the same I am writing because the Lord compels me. I think as a whole everyone in our country has at some point or another looked up to the Heavens and wondered why? Looked at each other with deep sorrow and just felt the need to hear "It will get better." But will it? Will it get better? I think this year has shown that it isn't. It's not getting better. And as a society I fear that we are becoming desensitized by all the horror and sadness around us. I often think about this quote

"We live in an time that spills over with contradictions. Extraordinary wealth gushes alongside grinding poverty. Episodes of horrific bloodshed contrast starkly against unprecedented stretches of peace, in which billions of living human beings have never personally experienced war. Within a single lifespan we've seen great burgeonings of freedom -- and the worst tyrannies of all time." Brin

And I'd say that right now that we are living in a episode of horrific bloodshed as well as tear shed. We are living in a time where we are having to explain to our children, my students, what is happening in the world. And that there is unbelievable evils in this world and it hurts my heart. I find myself on the verge of tears everyday and my heart can't take anymore. And anyone that knows me knows that I am not one to wear my emotions on my sleeves and I do not cry. But I can't help but become saddened that as a people we are becoming increasingly divided. That we are defining ourselves with what we believe and we are holding strong to our opinions instead of talking with one another. Not trying to gain a deeper knowledge and understanding of what is happening around us. I think every one of us takes what we see in the world from a different perspective. Thats just how the mind works. We are shaped by our experiences and from that comes our lens of how we see the world. But with each passing day I find the conversations we are having with one another to be either one sided or completely shallow. We no longer want to know what others think and we no longer want to understand. We are living in a time where the freshman at my high school are in desperate need of some kind of connection. 

Today I learned the results of a survey that was given to the freshman at my school. The survey asked how can we help you succeed this year in school. a) I need some kind of club to talk to with someone and connect with someone. b) I need a club where I can talk about and deal with my depression and anxiety. c) I need a club that helps me deal with my family life. d) I am fine and I can handle school, I don't need anything. The results were shocking. About half of the students said they need someone to connect with. 1/3 of the results said that they need someone to help them deal with their depression and anxiety. Let me remind you. These are 14 year olds. We are living in a time where if you have an issue, it is either used against you or it should not be talked about. People, teens, don't feel safe or a sense of belonging.  

We are relational beings. We long to feel connected to one another. Now I'm not talking about getting a huge group together and hug it out. Lord help the person that decides to hug me. I'm talking about getting to know each other on a deeper level, talk about the hard truths and be open and honest. I find the circle of people that I can be open and honest with is dwindling day to day. I find that as I continue to feel the sorrow in my heart it has become more difficult to connect with anyone. I find that we are filling up our lives with "good news" "brightening our days." Because the truth is just too dark. I think its well and good to look at the bright side but I also find it wrong to try to ignore the darkness and act like it doesn't exist. Because the honest truth is that even if you aren't living it doesn't mean the darkness isn't there for other people. The destruction of our country is still there, people are still recovering losses from the hurricanes. People are still grieving the loss of loved ones, of the heroes who laid down their life. I'm learning that is is super easy to swipe away from the sadness, or to pretend everything is fine. And that scares me. It shouldn't be that easy. We should be hurting with one another. Reaching out to one another. And just being relational with one other. Please don't let the differences we may have with one another divide us.  

We are living in a time where the only thing that matters is your opinion and you better hold on to it super tight. Hold on to it super tight and wave it loud and proud. Challenge everyone with it. I think we need to live in a time where we can have our differences but conversations we should be having are what can we change about the here and now. How can we help one another? How can we better serve one another. Loving each other like we aren't scared, give when its not fair and live life for one another. The opinions we have should not be so strong that we can't put them down and help one another.They shouldn't stop us from  talking with one another. Make change happen and face that truth of the world we are living in now. Don't hold on to your opinion so strongly that you are desensitizing yourself to the fact that you may have a loved one that is hurting, or might not be feeling safe. Reach out. Talk with someone, listen. Listen to one another and be accepting. Thats how we can move on as a country in a healing manner.  Don't let others suffer in silence. Because in the end it really doesn't matter who is right or wrong. It really doesn't. In the grand scheme of things what kind of life are you really living if all you have are your opinions.  Don't ram your own beliefs down someones throat because that doesn't change anything  You want to make a change, you want to make things different? Do something, start something and start with people in your circle. Start with love. 

Open letter to educational leaders

Let me start by saying I love being a teacher. I have had one time in my teaching life where I wanted to leave the profession. Most of my building administrators are helpful and supportive. I have come across some wonderful colleagues and teachers alike. I am blessed to be surrounded by them daily. That being said I feel the need to speak up against the problems I see in education today.
Recently I completed a course in my masters program that looks at the social injustices in education and the common practices of education. We covered a multitude of topics ranging from banking model teaching, to standardized testing and inequalities that face our students today. I learned a lot in this class, common biases, my own biases and the future of education.
Long story short the class ended with more questions than answers. Across the country we have schools everywhere that answer the call of high office administrators telling teachers what to do. Educational policy makers telling school districts how to teach and what to teach. We have government officials making the changes and not waiting to talk to a teacher. All of whom have not experience in education.
I am lucky to work in a school where my principals value my input and want to hear what I have to say. I wish this were true for everyone.
This is not a blog to speak ill of the current district I work in. This is more a blog to speak about the possibility to improve. I don't know what its like to be an administrator that has to make changes in a school district. I don't know what it's like to look at a school budget and make the tough choices. I don't think I want to be in your place. What I do know is what it's like to be in the unknown. I know what it's like to not know if I'll have a job next year. I know what it's like to have a fear that my program will be displaced and the team that has been created at my current site will change. I know the fear of having to start over and gain the trust of new principals and staff. I know what it's like to just want some answers and wish there was a way that we could know them sooner. I know what it's like to feel disrespected like I don't matter when decisions are made behind closed doors. I know what it's like to be at the bottom of the rung and feel like I am disposable. Moving forward I don't know what is going to happen in the state of Oregon or the school system but I would just like to offer up a few words of advice.
Ask questions, ask teachers what they think. We aren't are as crazy as you think and we want to understand. We want to learn, otherwise we wouldn't have become teachers. Before making a move maybe sit down with a few teachers who have been around the block and try to hear them first. Sometimes the best thing to do, is for teachers to feel heard. We just want to know that someone understands the pressures we go through and that we are not dispensable. Please do not think that teachers are dispensable, that good teachers are a dime a dozen. We work hard, we stay late, we want to make a difference in children's lives. We are the cornerstone of education, without which you would not have a job. Be upfront about what is being done. Have those conversations, have a plan in place if change is going to happen and share it. We are a collaborative bunch and I think you will be surprised to find that we want to find solutions just like you. Teachers are the heart of education, things can not beat with out the breath of teachers. We are in the front lines doing what needs to be done in order to make a difference.
The worst feeling in the world as a teacher is to feel" that I am not important" and that I am just a movable piece in this game called education.